Medicine's Melancholy: A Journey of Self-Discovery and Sacrifice

Melina Hanna, 2T7 MAM

Artist's Statement: At first glance, the outlook of this piece is rather grim, but upon internalization, the reader can conclude on their own that there is beauty in sacrifice; there is beauty in commitment; and there is beauty in that passion!

When no one can hear my loudest thoughts, I sometimes wonder whether I chose medicine for myself or just for the plot.

Despite its initial seduction, it always felt like medicine and I were never going to amount to anything past mutually assured destruction. Together, we were like a toxic relationship that was never meant to be—I could simply leave it, but the 'what-ifs' would always come back to haunt me.

The more it rejected me, the more it consumed my thoughts. The more it told me I wasn’t good enough, the more validation from it I sought.

Then one morning, I got the email that would soon change my career for good. I was finally going to be a physician. But the joy slowly faded when I realized I lost who I was along the way, trying to contort and fold myself to fit their mission.

I’ve given up so much to come this far, but that’s what it’s always been about: a profession of evident selflessness and one large personality scar.

But when do I get to be a person too? When do I get to cry and not be okay and have a person rescue me from my own feelings that seem to be so taboo?

I’m afraid the answer is not anytime soon. So, for now, I’ll tell you it’s all okay while smiling, but if you don’t see my nose crinkle, just know that I’m lying.